Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
