i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My ATM looks so different sober.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
