like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
