Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
