I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
