Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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