If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
