u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Your tits are I can't wait for
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
