I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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