Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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