I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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