it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
