I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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