Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
