So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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