i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
