apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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