My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
