is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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