I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.