i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Dating After Heartbreak
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way