i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
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You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
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I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.