just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
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He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
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I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.