I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
third nipple confirmed
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex