I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
