we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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