How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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