So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
