i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
