yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
