He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
