On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
