We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
PANTIES FOUND
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