He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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