omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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