that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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