When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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