Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
