So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
