from now on my penis is your penis
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
