I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
