I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
