YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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