Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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