my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I will be naked everywhere
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
