i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
