I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
