He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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