I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
