I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
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i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
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I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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