fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
