You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize
