This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
