I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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