Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
