I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
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Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
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I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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