I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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