Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
