Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
