Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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