But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
