I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
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Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
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I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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