i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
