Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
