I think I won the penis lottery.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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